Much as raising young children is full-on and intense; I think that we need to remind ourselves that this is easy compared to what comes next.
When your babies and children are really young, you are there at all times to guide them and keep them safe and pull them up on something when they misbehave or correct them when they make mistakes. As our children get older, they spend longer parts of their days away from you, they interact with their peers and other adults when they are not in your company and they will have to learn to face both challenges, pressure and obstacles on their own.
I already think about how different it will be to parents a tween or a teenager compared to what it is like parenting a toddler and a six-year-old. How I can teach them to stand up for themselves, to be good friends, to be kind. How to make sure they don’t take advantage of anyone or get taken advantage of. How to make sure they are good people.
These are things all parents worry about, I think, and something which can explain why American mum Amy Gardner’s Facebook post – and the lesson she was hoping to teach her daughter – went viral this week.
After squeezing some toothpaste our onto a plate and asking her daughter to “put it back in,” this is what Gardner had to say:
My daughter starts middle school tomorrow. We’ve decorated her locker, bought new uniforms, even surprised her with a new backpack. But tonight just before bed, we did another pre-middle school task that is far more important than the others. I gave her a tube of toothpaste and asked her to squirt it out onto a plate. When she finished, I calmly asked her to put all the toothpaste back in the tube. She began exclaiming things like “But I can’t!” and “It won’t be like it was before!” I quietly waited for her to finish and then said the following:
“You will remember this plate of toothpaste for the rest of your life. Your words have the power of life or death. As you go into middle school, you are about to see just how much weight your words carry. You are going to have the opportunity to use your words to hurt, demean, slander and wound others. You are also going to have the opportunity to use your words to heal, encourage, inspire and love others. You will occasionally make the wrong choice; I can think of three times this week I have used my own words carelessly and caused harm. Just like this toothpaste, once the words leave your mouth, you can’t take them back. Use your words carefully, Breonna. When others are misusing their words, guard your words. Make the choice every morning that life-giving words will come out of your mouth. Decide tonight that you are going to be a life-giver in middle school. Be known for your gentleness and compassion. Use your life to give life to a world that so desperately needs it. You will never, ever regret choosing kindness.”
Gardner’s powerful lesson not only affected her daughter, but has through the powers of the Internet now also reached millions of others. In fact, people have shared her Facebook post over 540,000 times, applauding her spot-on parenting. But most commenters don’t realize that Gardner became a mom only recently. She and her husband stepped up as foster parents just two years ago. They’ve since adopted Breonna and her sister, but Gardner wants to make up for lost time.
“It’s really important to me, only having nine years with Breonna, to produce a child that’s learned that she needs to be responsible for her actions and her words,” Gardner told ABC News.”We certainly don’t expect Breonna not to make mistakes in middle school,” she said, “but we want to help her.”
Well, we think this mum will go far in raising some amazing daughters!
