There once existed a time, before helicopter parenting, when the best that we could ask for was to just raise a good kid.
Good kids are the parental Holy Grail. But, just like Indiana Jones, we can spend a lot of time searching. In between times, we all worry that our parenting is going horribly, horribly, wrong. Doors slamming. Things being thrown at walls. My Little Ponies flushed down the toilet. Bitten siblings. Dinners scraped into the bin, untouched. But fear not, your children are not horrible mini-humans. They are just…well…children.
However, if you still want to make sure you are on the ball when it comes to raising delightful little people, who will offer up please and thank-yous at the drop of a hat, be kind to others, and make you swell with parental pride, here are seven super-tips from the very helpful human development researchers at Harvard.
1. Spend time with your children and engage in meaningful conversation
By spending time with kids regularly, they will learn to be caring and loving by example. Show affection, take a genuine interest in their life, encourage their efforts and praise their accomplishments. Also, instead of asking questions they can answer with “yes” or “no”, ask open-ended questions that will foster further conversation. The goal here is that a positive and respectful relationship between you and your kids will show them what good relationships look like so they can emulate that with others.
2. Be a good role model
Children are much more likely to pay attention to what you DO over what you just SAY, which is worth thinking about when it comes to practice the values you are urging them to follow. Think about how you talk about others when they are not there. How you argue. What words you use. How you approach work and obstacles. Be honest with children when you make a mistake, and tell them how you are going to fix it. Be attentive to others. Be involved in the community. Children will pick up on your actions much more than they will your words.
3. Stress the importance of kindness
Caring for others is often encouraged as a top priority, so treat it that way by holding your children to high ethical expectations not only in your home, but also at school and in the community. Don’t be afraid to ask teachers and other adults they are around if they get the impression your children are being kind to each other and others.
4. Give them responsibilities
When children are expected to do chores around the house, it will also encourage them to take responsibility and be caring to others in their daily routines.
5. Encourage them to see the bigger picture
Children typically care about a smaller group of family and friends, but to get them to care on a greater level, researcher argue that it is important to help them “zoom out” to try and understand and empathize with hardships others experience. Talk about ways they can contribute to things they hear about or see in their local community, encourage them to listen, even to someone with different ideas and values than themselves. Your job is to help foster understanding and compassion.
6. Help them take action
When your child is faced with an issue, no matter what it might be, try to help them take action and talk it out. Learning to co-operate with others to solve problems is important, and will help them in so many areas both now and later in life. Try to translate their interests into a cause they could join, for example, if they like animals, they could volunteer at a shelter. Or if they are into sports, let them sign up as junior instructors or assistants.
7. Help them talk about feeling and use self-control
Encourage your children to identify their feelings and then provide them with the tools to manage them with control — deep breaths, counting until they are calm — and help them to resolve conflicts by also understanding the feelings that others are experiencing.
