Modern parenting has become pretty bogged down with manifestos and terminology in the last few years. It hit me when I was trying to explain what Crying It Out was to my mother and she responded, perplexed: “In my day we just called that crying.”
These days new parents could be forgiven for suffering something of an identity crisis. “Am I an Attachment Parent? Even though I just put the baby down so I could do a wee?” “Does it still count as Baby-Led Weaning if the baby is using a spoon?” Lots of the parenting terms sound a bit like a contradiction in terms, and when you’re in the wild, chaotic throes of early parenthood you inevitably start to develop your own alternative meanings.
10 common parenting terms and what they ACTUALLY mean
1. Co-parenting
When it takes two of you to hold your offspring down for a nappy change – he’s freakishly strong.
2. Sleeping Through
When you finally, MIRACULOUSLY sleep through the baby’s cries at night and your other half has to get up instead. YESSSSSSS.
3. Instinctive Parenting
You literally couldn’t get through the 894-page baby manual and who can blame you, we need to condense that sh*t down to pamphlet size. Just go with your gut and tell people you’re doing Instinctive Parenting.
4. Weaning
AKA ‘Wine’-ing – No more boobies, bring on the Bollie.
5. Baby-Led Parenting
Code for “I’m too tired to discipline today”.
6. Co-Sleeping
Excuse to cuddle the babies ALL NIGHT LONG (as if we needed one!).
7. Irish Twins
That terrifying moment when you realise that breastfeeding is NOT an effective form of contraception.
8. Naptime
That period of time that you completely waste struggling to decide between doing the laundry, having a shower or reading a magazine but instead spend lying on the floor staring at the wall.
9. Helicopter Parenting
Over-reacting.
10. Blocked Duct
An excuse to rant and rave and generally act like a hormonal Velociraptor Raptor.
