Sometimes I get the distinct impression that I am doing this whole parenthood thing wrong.
Surely it should be a bit more serene and a bit less FRENETIC? Or maybe we’re all battling the same sh*tstorm of love, crying, baby giggles, encrusted Weetabix, nappies, leg-hugs and actual shit. I certainly hope so.
10 things Parenthood reminds me of (that it probably shouldn’t):
1. Apocalypse Now
“I love the smell of nappies in the morning.” It’s not that parenthood is a war zone, it’s just that my version of parenthood often feels as wild and chaotic as Ford Coppola’s sprawling opus.
2. That moment (virtually everyday) when you wake up thinking it’s a Saturday only to remember that it’s not
Remember now that you’re a parent, ‘Saturday’ as a concept no longer applies to you.
3. Riding a unicycle while juggling breasts (post-baby, the breasts can indeed be juggled now) and fending off an unending deluge of rice cakes
It can be an incredibly surreal experience. One minute you’re mashing up sweet potato and the next you’re writhing on the floor attacking yourself with a sock puppet. God, it’s fun, though.
4. Being late at all times even when you’ve nowhere you need to be
It’s just a constant feeling of needing to catch up with yourself at all times.
5. Being trapped under something heavy (both literally and metaphorically)
It’s both the weight of responsibility and the actual weight of The Child especially when he’s on my face, which is often.
6. Trussing a chicken 17 times a day
Is it weird that this is what springs to mind when changing nappies?
7. Herding a pack of cats around a maze that is full of treacherous obstacles
My son is the pack of cats; the world is the maze of treacherous obstacles. I’m tired.
8. Feeling like you got up for a 4 am flight, Every. Single. Day.
Especially in the early months. And God help you if you try to have a glass of wine on top of that. I NEVER thought I’d say this, but sometimes it is Just. Not. Worth. It.
9. It can feel like you have a tiny, devoted stalker shadowing your every move…
Which in a LOT of ways we do
10. Like you have a domineering, overbearing, micro-managing, tyrannical boss who pays you in sticky kisses instead of money
And it’s so worth it.
