There are certain things my toddler son does that have started to come across as a bit, well, demonic.
Sometimes when he is babbling it sounds almost like he is speaking in tongues, and occasionally he will suddenly stare past me at absolutely nothing which is a bit scary when I’m on my own with him. Is he communing with spirits behind my back?
10 Ways Living With a Toddler is Like Living With a Rowdy Poltergeist
1. Stuff moves around constantly
Every time I trip over a toy, I put it away only for it to reappear in my path the very next time I’m not looking. Can we agree that there is no pain worse than the pain of stepping on Lego?
2. There is often ear-piercing wailing vaguely reminiscent of a banshee
Oh the screaming, there is just so much screaming.
3. Things mysteriously go missing
I put these chicken fillets on the counter to defrost. I KNOW this happened, yet I could not find them. Seriously, what the hell??? I know I know, I feel like I’ve gone on about the chicken fillets a lot lately but it was seriously spooky. Then later we found them stashed under the couch, which wasn’t so much spooky and just gross.
4. Things go bump in the night
Nocturnal racket is a regular occurrence with a toddler in the house. It’s freaky when you’re jolted awake by ominous banging at all hours. My nerves.
5. Sometimes you feel an eerie presence in the room
6. There’s a foul smell
A hallmark of both super natural beings and toddlers is bad smells, the toddlers aren’t toilet trained, I don’t know what the poltergeist’s excuse is…
7. There’re sinister messages left lying around
Like really creepy pieces of toddler art…
8. You’re constantly being attacked by unseen forces
Then you look down…
9. Unexplained bruises
A true sign of a poltergeist and a toddler is random mysterious marks on the parent’s bodies. I get a lot of odd scratches and bruises on the legs since having a toddler.
10. Stuff flies through the air at random
My toddler has a crazily good arm for such a tiny little being.
