The baby head smell is a very real phenomenon, as anyone who’s ever been downwind from a glorious fresh newborn human will attest.
The problem is that once your child is no longer a teeny, tiny baby your supply is abruptly cut off, and you must rely on the kindness of strangers to give you your fix of that so-delicious-it’s-nearly-edible aroma. The other problem is that it is most definitely frowned upon to seize random newborn babies from the arms of the mothers and feverishly start inhaling their head smell.
5 Stages Of Trying to Subtly Smell The Heads of Stranger’s babies
Stage 1: Spy a Stranger Baby in The Vicinity
This is easier if you go and lurk in the nappy aisle of the supermarket.
Stage 2: Start To Circle Closer Like the Baby-Smelling Vulture That You Are
Do a couple of casual saunter-bys and assess the mother’s exhaustion level. You need her to be just the right level of tired to be happy to chat with you but too tired to notice that you’re a creep who’s just using her to smell her baby.
Stage 3: Pretend to Engage Its Mother in Friendly Chat
Keep it light. Don’t use: “That’s a nice head your baby’s got there.” as your opening gambit – this doesn’t go down that well.
Stage 4: Try to Position Yourself in The Updraft Of The Baby’s Head Waft
The aim here is to get a little sniff without going full-tilt crazy lady on this new mum. But sometimes just a little waft is all it takes to fall spectacularly off the wagon.
Stage 5: Realise that resistance is FUTILE
Smell that beautiful baby head. Drink it all in. DON’T hold back but also don’t be surprised when people look at you with unbridled disgust.
