5 things that trip me up in my post-baby life

You are not supposed to dislike anything about post-bubba arrival. Everything is supposed to be rosier, happier, more fulfilling and worthwhile.

There’s meant to be an imaginary line drawn right through the middle of this section of your life with everything post-baby being simply a momentary burden worth experiencing in order to develop and grow into a wiser, richer (not in the monetary sense) and more rounded adult. Otherwise known as a parent.

But seriously, who actually experiences all of that, all of the time? Yes, there are moments, but come on, let’s be honest, while there is an infinite amount to be thankful and grateful for (and you wouldn’t consider having it any other way), the truth is, there are a few things that we’re allowed to question.

They are:

1. Trampolines

Even the mere mention of them makes me kinda want to wee. I literally sit with my legs crossed watching the kids bounce higher and higher, banishing all sorts of obvious thoughts to the back of my mind. Accident waiting to happen. Mums know the type of accident I’m referring to.

2. Pelvic floor exercises

First thoughts here are wee-related. Has anyone out there actually ever done these religiously without dying of boredom? And the sad thing is, they are so hugely important that we dare not ignore them – much as we are tempted. I bet you are doing a few right now – it’s a well-known fact that we tend only to do them when someone starts talking about them.

3. Stuff I swore I’d never say

Ever hear anyone saying, “Sometimes I open my mouth and my mother pops out.” Well, that’s me. I don’t plan it, it just kind of happens, naturally. “How do you know you don’t like it when you haven’t tasted it?” “Put on a coat or you’ll catch your death of cold otherwise.” “Do you think we are made of money.”  The list. It’s endless.

4. The sleeping situation

Any parent could write a book on this particular point. Let’s take last night for instance: Hubster was away, boychild (18 months) decides to decamp to our bed. I built my usual fortress of cushions and pillows to prevent any falls. I settled him into the middle of the bed and closed my eyes. Cue: three hours of torture – me clinging for dear life to a mere inch of the 6ft bed, whilst third born slept perpendicular to me – the perfect 90 degree angle – that was when he wasn’t sitting on my head to get a better position. There’s only one thing worse than being almost suffocated at 4.35am and that is being almost suffocated by a nappy full of wee at 4.35am. Pressed right up against my face. Hazard. I eventually tossed in the towel just before 6am when I felt a wet patch and in panic, hopped up thinking the nappy had leaked, but he had simply managed to disperse the entire contents of a packet of wipes around the bed. And there was me thinking I hadn’t slept at all. Again. Last night.

5. The inside of my car

I am the woman the valet services hide from. I’m sure they see me coming and block book their available slots to deter me. There are some days I feel like I’m cruising around in the city dump. No matter how I try to empty the thing out as I go I still never fail to find half the toy room, half the wardrobes of my children and the entire kitchen bin spread throughout.

Second born has a blankie called “Rabba” She sucks his ears (horrific, we know). If Rabba gets locked in a hot car for any period, you will know about it when you re-enter the car. This is the stuff that gas masks were invented for.

But would you change any of it?

Sleep will come again. Cleanliness is overrated. Family isn’t. It’s simply great, suffocating nappies and all.

Yours bleary-eyed but happy.

Cliona O’Connor is a stay-at-home-mum of three, soon to be four, who recently gave up her Medical Rep job in favour of full-time chaos. She blogs about her adventures at leanmeanmomma.ie. Follow her LeanMeanMomma blog or on instagram, on Twitter @leanmeanmomma or on Facebook.