So in the early days of parenthood I did it all wrong.
There I was asking my mother and her friends and other random people I knew in real life how to raise my child, like a tool. At the time, I didn’t understand where all the parents were gleaning their info from. I’d whip out the talcum powder in breastfeeding group and instantly become a pariah because I was receiving my parenting updates from a woman who’d parented while sporting shoulder pads and a mullet.
I needed to get online and get on there fast if only to have my abysmal parenting efforts corrected. Luckily people on the Internet are only dying to tell you where you’re going wrong. Usually pretty agreeably… oh wait, sorry, I meant aggressively – with a hell-fury totally disproportionate to whatever parenting transgression you’ve just committed. At first, I was so confused as to why these complete strangers felt so strongly about my decision to combination feed my son or co-sleep or, ya know, let him eat oats before his first birthday. It was a minefield on there. One parenting misstep and the mummy monitors could come down on you like a ton of bricks.
I’ve given a lot of thought to why, we parents, are so plagued with judgement? And it doesn’t seem to be ‘them’ judging us either, it’s us judging us. We’re eachother’s harshest critics.
I’ve been working on a theory so hear me out. What if we are becoming so bombarded by information and books and strategies on how to raise our kids that we are, possibly even just on a subconscious level, becoming insecure in our parenting choices? Is this in turn leading us to lash out at others who are taking a different approach? On some level do we fear that their different approach is in some way a critique of our approach?
Of course, Parenting by Facebook has its positives too. It can be a lifeline. I highly recommend lurking on parent groups. Sure you’ll see the odd comment that might make you feel bad about some minor thing you’re doing or not doing in relation to your child but I recommend adopting the mantra “Good for her, not for me” and moving on with your day.
And keeping in touch with the wider mum community means that at any moment day or night, mid-chicken pox hell or sleep-deprivation waking nightmare, whether you’re crying in the shower, screaming into your pillow or just bored, you know you’re not alone in this thing. There’s a lot of nice, supportive, non-judgemental mums out there who are ready to give you a virtual pat on the shoulder, or simply chime in “me too!” or throw you a high five over your continued triumphs in the field of parenthood aka Trying Not to F*ck Up Our Kids.
Did you join any Facebook groups when you became a parent? Tell us what you think in the comments…
