When I get together with my group of girlfriends, you can bank on there being a lot of talking and laughing, but also a whole lot of “affectionate” teasing and harmless sarcasm exchanged too.
This has always been the way, and I can hand on heart say I never laugh as much or as hard as when this goes down, knowing that this is done because we all know each other well enough to poke fun at one another without there being any hurt feelings or bruised egos as a result.
The thing is, this harmless teasing is good for more than you might think. In fact, according to psychologists, “prosocial teasing” is “essential to building friendships and holding your own in a social setting.”
This is what Drake Baer, the man behind Science of Us, had to say to NY Mag recently:
“If parents and teachers try and shield their kids too much from any sort of smack talking, then they don’t learn to enjoy the crass banter that’s such a part of growing up or to stand up for themselves when it goes too far,” he writes.
Baer also quotes Boston University psychologist Peter Gray, who recently explained the downsides of socially sheltering children in an interview with Quartz: “[Kids have] heard from adults that [lighthearted teasing] is bullying, and so they get really upset about it rather than knowing how to roll with the punches.”
Obviously, there is a whole lot of difference between prosocial teasing and straight-up bullying, but the experts seem to agree that it might be worth teaching your kids the difference.
Lighthearted teasing — including inside jokes, sarcasm, and harmless jabs— can strengthen relationships and even bring people together across all age groups. Bullying, or anti-social teasing as some call it, on the other hand, usually exploits an uneven power dynamic that exists between two people, zeroing in on things like appearance, social status, ethnicity, religion, or sexual orientation.
Do YOU encourage playful teasing and banter with your kids? Let us know in the comments or tweet us at @herfamilydotie
