My other half and I willingly opted into a four-hour car journey with our two small kids recently.
“Madness!”, I hear you cry, and you’d be right.
You see, we had forgotten that we parents sometimes trick our brains into conjouring up these perfect, romantic situations that include our kids – and thought that a road trip would be ‘so much fun!’
Perhaps we envisaged the windows down, wind blowing through our hair while our kids napped in the back seat (me).
Perhaps we thought we would play I Spy, cool quizzes and point out places of historical interest on the roadside, creating beautiful memories for our children for years to come (him).
Here’s why all of that was ENTIRELY in our heads:
1. The Whining
I don’t think we were even out of our housing estate when our son asked ‘Are we there yet?’. We actually thought he was joking and roared laughing until he asked again, seven minutes later and then went on repeat for a half an hour until I begged him to stop.
2. The Puking
What car journey would be complete without an emergency pull in to the side of the road because someone has thrown up all over themselves, their sibling and the floor of the car? Our first ‘expulsion’ was one and a half hour’s into our ‘dreamy family road trip’ and I will NEVER get the smell out of the car OR my nostrils.
3. The Musical Chairs
Our two-year-old loves her daddy way more than she loves me. I’m fine with it and fully intend on throwing it back in her face when I’m booking a shopping weekend away to New York when she’s older and leave her behind (joke – ish). She was SO unimpressed with my sitting up front with my other half that she screamed blue murder, kicked the back of my chair and battled to get herself out of her car seat for most of the journey. Good times.
4. The Wee-stops
One cannot underestimate how many times a day a child needs to go to the toilet. I can honestly say our son pee’d on the side of the road approximately 17 times on our return home. And then there was that poo incident that I really just can’t talk about.
5. The In-car Entertainment Requirements
We had books, we had toys, we had singalong and we had ‘look at the moo-cows’ as the countryside whizzed passed. That bought us about thirty minutes in total before we skidded into a retail park and bought the first DVD player we could find. Which added about €100 to our ‘perfect family holiday’.
Never. Again.
Ever.
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