Coming home from hospital with your brand new baby is a massive shock to anyone’s system.
In one swoop you have gone from being in control of your own time and body to completely existing on your baby’s terms. You can’t sleep when you want to, eat when you feel starving or take a shower when you most want to. Many find it isolating, especially those first few weeks or months, and it can be terrifying to feel like everything else is slipping a little in those new baby days, your friendships, social life, and even relationship.
But it is so important to know that this is the case for everyone bringing a new baby home. We all go through these days, and come out the other side. Thank God.
This is what Australian mum blogger (and our all around mum-hero) Constance Hall also wants new mamas to know. And after having been contacted by so many new mums and mums-to-be who felt overwhelmed and down and scared, Hall posted the following post to her Facebook page only few hours ago – a post that has already gathered 60k likes and close to 12k shares:
This is what she wrote in full:
“To all of my Queens who have or are about to have a baby.
I get a lot of messages from miserable Queens after having babies.
It’s not easy to be in a depressing situation without getting depression.
So together I think we need to make parenthood less depressing.
Having had 4 babies, 2 psychologists, 1 marriage counsellor, severe anxiety, 4 break ups and makes ups… I am in the position to offer this advice.
Socialise. Please.
Above cleaning, above cooking, above everything.
Because face to face contact is free therapy, a laugh and a coffee or walk saved me, even on days that I did not want to, I followed my psychologists advice and forced myself to.
Placing a new 24 hour job between 2 parents is going to cause friction, it just is. When we get stressed we blame each other.
But the working parent is able to walk out the door and distract themselves, kick goals at work, have a chat and just generally feel like a normal human with a purpose, where as the at home parent is home is left to dwell on the argument and maximise everything that was said so by the time the worker comes home he is normal and wifey is a crazed lunatic who has packed her bags and is selling the house.
That’s not fair. It’s not fair that we get the word “depression” thrown at us when we don’t have the opportunity to heal in these four walls.
You deserve a life despite becoming a mum.
You have 2 huge responsibilities, keeping your baby safe and happy and taking care of your mental health. Everything else can wait.
If anyone questions that explain that socialising is your mental health plan, we all need a mental plan, parenthood should come with one.
Walk out that door and call a Queen, even if you barley know her. Talk openly, bitch about the dickhead you married, cry about your lack of sleep, laugh at the state of the house you just walked out of. Just do it. Stop cancelling on your friends, cancel everything else, not friends. You will feel healed. You might even love your partner more.
Remember Queens, parenthoods most vital tool is your happiness.”
Is is any wonder this women is our mama inspiration?
