Dealing with tantrums is an unfortunate occupational hazard of parenting.
When we signed up for the job of raising gorgeous babies, we imagined singing them lullabies to sleep as they got older and then, one day, we’d wave them off to Big School with a brand new shiny backpack on their shoulders and wish them well.
What we forgot about, on signing that professional contract with the universe, was all the weird shit that was going to happen in between..
The bad days, the spilt milk, the ultimate breakage of all previously held to be precious items and – THE TANTRUMS.
It’s such a shock to the system when the first tantrum hits. There you were, casually pushing your two-year-old in a trolley towards the cashier’s desk at the bank when he or she suddenly demands: ‘BOP BOP’.
Panic ensues as you realise you didn’t bring ‘Bop Bop’ with you to the bank.
Your mind flashes back to you placing it by the front door at home and INTENDING to bring it but.. you know you totally left it back there.
Because your baby senses your panic AND because you haven’t handed over Bop Bop the SECOND they demanded it, they start to lose their shit there and then.
They scream so loud that everyone jumps, kick their legs and thrash about, hold their breath until they go purple in the face and generally look like they’re possessed by the devil.
You beg, you PLEAD with them to just hang on a sec while you figure out what to do next but they don’t give a damn about your embarrassment OR your attempts to bargain with them – you have ZERO power now.
Your toddler owns you.
These are the 5 thoughts that go through my head when my kids throw a tantrum:
1. That Parenting Is Ridiculous
There are plenty of moments when I despair about how ridiculous parenting is and dealing with tantrums is one of them. On what parallel universe does anyone want a teeny tiny version of themselves throwing dinosaurs at their head because their toast is cut the wrong way. Ridic!
2. That They Must Get It From Me
Our main aim as parents is to try our best not to raise total assholes. But then the difficulty is that deep down, we know that WE’RE assholes sometimes. So then our worry transfers to this: ‘I really hope my kid doesn’t inherit my crappy asshole traits’. The day they punch you full-force in the nose in the pre-school carpark is the day that you start putting money away for the future lawsuits that your kid is going to cost you.
3. That I Have Broken Them
When your kid is so enraged while gripped in a tantrum that they break every single toy they own, you totally wonder: “Is this because I ate that unpasteurised cheese that time when I was pregnant?” or, “This is probably because his dad and I had that fight in front of him when he was four months old” or, “I’m sure this is my fault because I’M always raging about something too”. But actually.. they’re just having a tantrum.
4. That I Can’t Believe This Is My Life Now
The gorgeous parenting moments bolster us and remind us how wonderfully grateful we are to have these little kiddos in our lives. It’s the “I love you so much, Mammy” that gets us through, the impromptu dance routines in the middle of the afternoon, the big, juicy kisses and the tiny sighs from their mouths when they’re asleep. But the tantrums can wipe the floor with you and erase all of that from memory with one swift toddler kick to the genitals. On those days, I dream about lotto wins and full-time nannies.
5. That Everyone Is Looking At You And Judging You
I can’t really help you with this one – people are assholes. Although you could refer them to this great article of ours about how to behave when someone’s else’s kid is having a tantrum. That might work!
