Mum explains why she doesn’t make her children hug relatives – and it’s for an important reason

It can be incredibly awkward in the moment.

But one mum is being praised after she revealed the reason why she doesn’t make her children hug their relatives – and it’s all down to a very important reason.

Laura Mazza, who runs the blog Mum on the Run, recalled how some relatives had recently come to visit and, when one of them asked for a goodbye hug, her son simply said ‘no’.

The person tried to persist, telling the boy: “ohhh come on!! Just one big hug,” before turning to Mazza and I was looked at by the relative like I should encourage him by saying “go on give her a hug!”

Oh yes I’m one of those parents… #llamas #matchymatchy @bondsaus @bondsbumpsandbaby

A post shared by The Mum On The Run (@themumontherun_) on Jul 9, 2018 at 6:38pm PDT

She continued:

“But instead I said ‘that’s okay you don’t have to’…And what may have been considered as slightly awkward or rude on my part, it’s something I’m proud as a parent to say or do.

“My responsibility first and foremost is to my children. As their mother it’s my job to stand up for them when they can’t and teach them to learn to stand up for themselves.

“I am their safe place, one that they trust and I won’t abuse that by insisting that they do something that makes them feel uncomfortable to be polite.”

She went on to explain how her son can get “too much” at times, and wants to “hug other kids, or his sister, a little too much.”

Yesterday was Luca’s 4th birthday (even though I’ve been calling him a 4 year old for a while) I don’t want to write a special dedication to him on here, because he heard it all day from me and I wrote it in a card he didn’t give a shit about it lol but I want to write it for you. The mother in the thick of it. When you’re up with a crying baby feeling like the only person in the world awake, feeling helpless and lonely When the blues won’t go away from lack of sleep and trigger anxiety over everything. When you’re feeling you got the shit end of stick when you watch your partner sleep while you try to navigate feeding and soothing a baby. When you play the game of who has it harder, the one who goes to work? Or the one who looks after a mini banshee all day? When the visitors have all come and gone and your left cleaning up after a party you never got to enjoy. I want you to know it’ll be okay. Even when you have a snail trail from your belly down to your big toe When you have Matted hair permanently in a bun When you’re having long ass showers you don’t want to come out of because it’s the only time someone isn’t on you and it feels like a micro sleep, sorta. Even when the little banshee only has to grunt and it sends you into a state of exhausted panic. It’ll be okay. Because your relationships somehow survive Because you somehow survive Because toe hair is totally okay… and fashionable in some countries. Because you’re not fucking it up Because one day they’re 4, they’re telling you they love you. They’re independent and fierce. They’re polite and headstrong. They’re fearless and protected. They’re creative and cute… and you made that happen…you.. and you think why did I ever worry? I’m doing such an amazing job. You. You’re doing such an amazing job and everything will be okay. ❤️

A post shared by The Mum On The Run (@themumontherun_) on Jun 28, 2018 at 7:03pm PDT

Mazza added:

“I can’t tell him ‘You can’t hug her/him if they don’t want to be hugged, but if uncle Albert demands a hug, you should give him one’.

“Because I’m teaching my kids that no means no and that’s it’s okay to say no. It means no when I say ‘you can’t have an extra cookie’, it means no when your sister doesn’t want to wrestle.

“It means ‘no’ when your girlfriend/boyfriend says ‘no’ to sex or if you or they say, ‘I’m not ready’

“It means no when you say you don’t want to do something with your body that you don’t want to do. So it definitely means no when someone asks you for a hug and you don’t want to give them one.

“The message is that you can still be polite, nice and a good person and still say no.”

Recently relatives came to visit and asked for a goodbye hug, and my son promptly said no. This person said “ohhh come on!! Just one big hug” and I was looked at by the relative like I should encourage him by saying “go on give her a hug!” But instead I said “that’s okay you don’t have to”… And what may have been considered as slightly awkward or rude on my part, it’s something I’m proud as a parent to say or do. My responsibility first and foremost is to my children. As their mother it’s my job to stand up for them when they can’t and teach them to learn to stand up for themselves. I am their safe place, one that they trust and I won’t abuse that by insisting that they do something that makes them feel uncomfortable to be polite. My son gets too much sometimes and wants to hug other kids, or his sister, a little too much. I can’t tell him You can’t hug her/him if they don’t want to be hugged, but if uncle Albert demands a hug, you should give him one. Because I’m teaching my kids that no means no and that’s it’s okay to say no. It means no when I say “you can’t have an extra cookie” It means no when your sister doesn’t want to wrestle It means ‘no’ when your girlfriend/boyfriend says ‘no’ to sex It means no when you say you don’t want to do something with your body that you don’t want to do. So it definitely means no when someone asks you for a hug and you don’t want to give them one. The message is that you can still be polite, nice and a good person and still say no. Unfortunately I know all too well what what it’s like as a child to be obliged to do something and be polite as you were taught and we only have to pick spend 10 minutes on social media to see the statistics of children being forced into situations isn’t a low one. But for now I’m their voice and I’m their advocate and I’ll make it count and hopefully that’ll give them the strength in all situations to remember my words and to know that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to and that, no means no and walk away.

A post shared by The Mum On The Run (@themumontherun_) on Jul 7, 2018 at 6:22pm PDT

The mum-of-three went on to explain how she knew “all too well” what it was like to be obliged to do something and be as polite as you were taught as a child – and ho she wanted to be an advocate for her children.

She ended the post by saying:

“But for now I’m their voice and I’m their advocate and I’ll make it count and hopefully that’ll give them the strength in all situations to remember my words and to know that they don’t have to do anything they don’t want to with their body and that, no means no and walk away.”